TW: Christopher's story discusses suicide. If you feel alone, suicidal or in crisis call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800. If it’s an emergency call 000.
"I started to drink and use drugs because I wanted to detach and feel nothing. But doing this definitely made things worse."
In the beginning
From a very early age I was having problems. At the age of 12 I was diagnosed with depression. As time went on things got worse for me and I isolated myself from the world, I didn’t leave the house, stopped seeing my friends and wasn’t able to work.
I started to become paranoid and delusional, thinking that people were 'trying to get me' and that everyone was talking about me. I started to get confused about who people were and thought that everyone was working against me.
Then came the unhelpful coping strategies...
I started to drink and use drugs because I wanted to detach and feel nothing. But doing this definitely made things worse. I started to self harm because I wanted to create a worse pain than I was feeling inside.
Getting some help
I went to see a GP to talk about what was going on for me and they were really worried and referred me to Orygen.
I had an assessment and was assigned to a clinic and to a case manager to start to figure out what was happening for me. I got a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and panic disorder. I wasn’t so sure what borderline personality disorder was all about but I learned about it over time by reading and researching, and my case manager taught me about what it was. I felt so relieved to finally know what was happening and get a diagnosis that made sense to me.
I started taking medication and doing the group program and came along to all of my appointments with my case manager because I really, really wanted to get well.
It was trial and error with the medication but it played a huge part in me getting better, and it was a relief to have some of my symptoms go away, especially the panic attacks.
Things started looking up!
The group program really helped me, I was able to get out of the house and do something in a group where I wasn’t going to be judged and the other young people around me would understand what I was going through. I learned lots of things in the group program and it gave my self esteem and confidence a huge boost, and I had heaps of fun!
Towards the end of my time with Orygen I felt so different to when I first came. I felt like a different person. The delusions and paranoia and panic attacks had all gone away and I had learned so much about myself and worked really hard to use the skills I leaned with my case manager to take control over how I think and feel.
And now...
I have joined the Platform and Peer Support Teams at Orygen because I really want to help others. I feel really good about helping other young people to get the same benefits out of Orygen that I did, and to help them feel hopeful and positive about getting better.
I still see a psychiatrist to keep on top of my wellness and I now see all my old friends and have lots of great things going on in my life!
- Christopher
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